Category: Thoughts

General thoughts about the world and life, society or anything else I feel like

Dates with Myself

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So I’ve been doing this experiment of sorts, taking myself on dates. When I see something interesting that I want to go to, instead of asking someone else to go with me first and waiting to see if I can get a “date” (friend or otherwise), I just buy myself a ticket and put it in my calendar. And then I go. By myself.

I haven’t really done this before, but New York City lends itself to this attitude. It’s not weird to go to anything by yourself here, and there’s always someone to talk to if you really want to.

Date 1 was Hanna Rosin’s talk as part of her book tour for The End of Men a few weeks ago. I was slightly intimidated, and admit I felt a bit embarrassed at how excited I was to get to see all of my Slate journalism idols–Hanna Rosin, of course, but also her husband, David Plotz, as well as Emily Bazelon and Jessica Grose. I didn’t actually get to meet them all, but I felt oddly star-struck just seeing them, as I’ve read their words and heard their voices on so. many. podcasts.

I really enjoyed the actual conversation and had been reading the book, so it felt fresh and exciting. But I did feel awkward afterward, when other people were just shooting the shit with other people they’d come with. Still, I pushed myself to actually introduce myself to Hanna and David both (and I’ve met Emily at another event), and then I left. Still cool.

Date number 2 was by far the most expensive (excepting the shopping accoutrements of date #3, which I’ll get to)–“Sleep No More,” the renowned performing arts experience that’s been extended because of such intense demand multiple times for, I believe, over a year. It’s a “play,” but one that you can walk through, spanning 5 floors of the McKittrick Hotel, which is fictional. The whole experience is super spooky, though I highly recommend it. More eloquent words have been written than my own about the description, so I’ll skip that, and just suffice to say that I am so glad I went by myself. I felt a freedom to explore this alternate world that I don’t think I could have with someone else. And I got a weirdly intimate experience. It was the perfect solo date.

Tonight, I went to see economics Professor Joseph Stiglitz speak about his book, The Price of Inequality, which I’ve also read. Though the talk unfortunately coincided with the first presidential debate, I got some nice quality time at dinner and then Sephora prior to the event, and it was cool to hear what he and the other speakers said. Not an awkward moment. I got a discount on my ticket because I was under 35 (yes. Thirty-five. I have 9 more years to use a youth discount. I guess I am young, especially in the academic/intellectual world??), and I was definitely one of the younger people in the audience. But worth a try. A nice evening of Shannon time.

That and improv practices, plus some real dates thrown in occasionally, and life isn’t so shabby. My 10K in a few weeks is gonna be killer. But there are more 10Ks. I’m not one to keep doing the same thing anyway. And I’m practicing not getting down on myself for not doing everything perfectly. There is always time to improve.

Crazy Weekend

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So, this weekend started out a little rocky. I went to an after work function to say goodbye to a coworker and ended up getting terribly sick, despite having only 2 drinks (and a shot). That horror lasted through all day Saturday, partially continued by the failure to stop throwing up, and inability to keep down water. I eventually got down some Pedialyte and saltines. Not so fun.

I also left my cell phone in the cab on the way home from the said work function. But it was returned to me (!!) because a fellow New Yorker and iPhoner discovered it, returned my call, and provided an opportunity for retrieval. It was pretty magical. That part is seriously amazing. I basically felt like yesterday was a real adventure in my path to adulthood. I was sick, and totally took care of myself, with a few people around to help out a bit (but really, not anyone else taking responsibility for me). I’m still a little freaked out by feeling like my body just kind of lost it, but other than that, it feels just…lucky. And I’m relieved to feel back to normal(ish).

I also moved into the room in our apartment with a closet and its own bathroom. So I now have my own bathroom for the first time in 4 years, which, actually, is thrilling. I feel so much more adult! And my desk area is much nicer. Maybe I’ll even get a realer chair. There is a lot less light and a bit less air, but I think for me, it is preferable overall. Nothing is perfect, right? Life: all about trade offs.

I am super excited about an improv show on Friday, and many more to come.

The Momtastic DNC Convention 2012 and Religion

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I, as many others did, loved Michelle Obama’s speech. It was, as others have mentioned, amazing and brilliant. But I noticed something else–she is all about being mom-in-chief. Now, there’s nothing wrong with motherhood. I, myself, hope to someday be a mother. But I’m not, and more importantly, even when I am a mother, it will not be all I am, and it is certainly not all Michelle O. is.  Slate had a wonderful post, written by Katherine Lanpher about how single, childless women are, quite frankly, forgotten. I don’t fault Michelle for this; rather, I consider it a problem of our society that we can’t talk about people who are not parents, and especially women who are not mothers. What bothers me about this is that it, like calling reproductive health issues “women’s issues,” limits women to our uteruses, to our reproductive capacity. It limits us to being simply a vessel for brining new life into the world. Which, while it is miraculous when women are heroic enough to bring babies into the world, is not fully representative of all the amazing things we can bring into the world, nor all the amazing things we can do in the world. Michelle has worked as a lawyer, successful in her own rite, and she made more money than her husband; she is part of a new breed of women, one where women are more educated and more successful than their male counterparts (which I am so psyched to read more about in Hanna Rosin’s forthcoming book, The End of Men, and was initially discussed in her Atlantic article in the summer of 2010). Yet, when she mentioned in her speech that for dates with her husband, she could see only a dinner OR a movie, because she was an “exhausted mom,” she left out a word–working. Because part of the reason she was tired was because she was working, not just because she was a mom. It is frustrating to know that she really can’t mention that, because the demographic she’s going for isn’t that, but people who still see an ideal world as one where women and men have their clear and very different places, and women’s “place” is in the home. I find it restrictive, and not very representative of what I see around me. But what do I know, I’m just a progressive, urban heathen.

The other issue is religion. Originally, the democratic platform didn’t have anything mentioned about God. But after criticism and accusations that the Democrats were taking God out of the government (what? We’re not a Christian nation???!), they had to put it back in. I am still frustrated as ever regarding religion and its place in society. I do see that it seems to have helped (and continue to help) a whole lot of people through and out of difficult times. I think that’s a good thing. But we do not live in a theocracy, and the rallying cries about how the Democrats are ruining the world with their birth control that somehow (seriously?) thwarts and limits religious freedom is just ludicrous. Your religious freedom does not cover you pushing your religion on others. Because that infringes on their religious freedom. Get it? No? Well, I guess we’ll just have to keep fighting for our freedom from religion.

I’m pretty tired, so my apologies if my thoughts aren’t entirely coherent. That’s all for now. More later. Or sooner!

New Server!!

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I am super psyched to be adding a new server to my site, migrating it to a server that is MY OWN.  How exciting!!

This is after a year of having my site hosted on an ex’s server. New world.

Also, Happy Wedding to Rachel, my childhood best friend.  It was a lovely day, glorious.

Continuing Improving

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I’m randomly and somewhat reasonlessly blissing out this morning. Maybe running yesterday?

This weekend was perfect. Very full. I am so happy, it blows my mind. It’s not that I’m literally happy all the time, but there are so many cool things, relationships (of all kinds), activities and foods (?!) to explore. I really seriously feel like a child. Free. But also with some fun, contributory things I do. Like work. Which makes money and provides real freedom to do mostly what I want.

I know I’ll go through some lower times extremely soon. That just happens. But overall, I seriously couldn’t be happier with what I’ve made my life right now. And even just knowing that feels so friggin’ amazing. Again, this kind of moment I have worked so hard for. And am still working so hard for. Glad it’s still happening.

Eve of My 26th Year

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It is the day before I turn 26, completing the first year of my second quarter of life on this planet. And I’m feeling pretty reflective.

The past year has been pretty spectacular. I started running, ended the first real relationship that I thought would last, and re-started improv. And I have maintained the improv and running both for nearly 10 months, working on both of them gradually and with very little self-judgement about how quickly I’m improving; really doing each of them for fun, for the enjoyment of the moment. Tonight, I get to play in a Ladies Improv Event, We Might Just Kiss at the theater where I’ve been taking classes. I feel so lucky that I’ve had the opportunities I’ve had so far, and this is certainly one of them. I’m definitely nervous, but also really excited. Improv has I think certainly added more than I could’ve hoped to my life, and I’m so so glad I started taking classes. I’m looking forward to what more it will bring, socially, emotionally and artistically to my life.

Running has made me all around feel better about myself–my appearance, endurance, ability to push myself (but not too much!!) and my commitment to things, after successfully completing a half marathon. I’m pretty friggin’ proud of that, maybe more than I’ve been proud of anything else I’ve done in my life, because it was harder for me personally than anything else I’ve done. It took me committing, sticking to something that I most of the time didn’t really like, and even more difficult for me, not being mad at myself when I failed to reach a goal, but to just get back up and keep going. And I did it! So really really, I am proud of that.

Relationship-wise, I have just been trying to move on and distract. Never easy. I don’t think I’ve done an awful job of it, but it’s hard, and continues to be a challenge.

All in all, though, it has been a great year.  The first year I have felt really comfortable in my adult skin, I think, and settled into the idea that this is what adulthood is.  Not anything spectacular, but maleable.  I can make this something that I like.  And I can like what I make it.  I’ve recognized the importance of patience, and of listening to what makes me happy and responding to that, without judging it.

So Happy Birthday to Me, and onto another year, with more adventures.

Love,
Shannon

Social Running

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I took a little break from running after completing a half-marathon in Nashville a few weeks ago. And then I had oral surgery (dental implant), and during a recovery period, couldn’t run. So I ended up going a little over 2 weeks between running 13.1 miles and my next run, of 4 miles. It’s been beautiful–high time for running. Warm but not too warm. Sunny.

I realized something when in Nashville for the half about my running. First, I should note that I rarely have motivations that are not in some way social. Not necessarily directly and in a micro kind of a way, but more about being in a community, being part of something that is social. And I had thought of running as a way to maintain some of my friendships and relationships, a connection of that sort. But I hadn’t realized how much my running habits had, somewhat by nature of the city and community I live in, been social. I trained all on my own. I didn’t have anyone to go on runs with, and the only runs I went on while training were when I was visiting someone.

But I run at a track. And I realized I had been studying the people at this track, and the culture there. The middle of the track has a soccer field, and there is a Polish population north of the park where the track is, and a Mexican population nearby, as well as I believe Dominican/Puerto Rican (really, you can’t go far in New York without there being a Dominican or Puerto Rican population…).

So the Poles and Mexicans often are out in what seem to be pretty organized soccer games, and then there are the runners. The soccer players are regularly accompanied by their wives/girlfriends/children. So there are lots of kids playing around, acting as though the track is no different than any other piece of land. And the soccer balls come flying onto the track with some regularity. It is kind of beautiful, though I have been hit (really hard) by a wild soccer ball, which was somewhat annoying. But I realize that I actually sort of relish the mix of populations. Awesome. It’s what I love about New York. So my running is social. Just in a cultural exploration kind of a way.

Understanding the Other Side

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I religiously listen to Planet Money, an NPR podcast that is amazing, and I highly recommend. The podcast has great music, is short and sweet and the folks who host it are great–funny, entertaining and best of all, it is a really accessible view of economics.  The folks that host the show also write other things occasionally, and I’m usually quite satisfied with the outcome.  Adam Davidson, one of the main Planet Money folks, wrote the cover story for the NY Times Magazine this past weekend, and it is seriously worth a read, though it’s a bit long.  The story is really a profile of a past co-worker of Mitt Romney’s, Edward Conrad.  He worked with Romney at Bain Capitol, and has recently released a book, Unintended Consequences: Why Everything You’ve Been Told About the Economy Is Wrong, explaining his theory that income inequality is actually a good thing for all of society.   There are a lot of reasons why this upsets me.  Conrad’s theory is well thought-out, and as far as I can tell, logically sound.  Davidson agrees.  The problem is that Conrad describes a world that I do not want to live in.

This constant calculation — even of the incalculable — can be both fascinating and absurd. The world Conard describes too often feels grim and soulless, one in which art and romance and the nonremunerative satisfactions of a simpler life are invisible. And that, I realized, really is Conard’s world. “God didn’t create the universe so that talented people would be happy,” he said. “It’s not beautiful. It’s hard work. It’s responsibility and deadlines, working till 11 o’clock at night when you want to watch your baby and be with your wife. It’s not serenity and beauty.”

This seems like a stale, sad, sad world.  I want no part of it.  Conrad basically argues that we need really intense, strong incentives for people to work hard and take risks, and that therefore, we need inequality so that the top is worth striving for, and the bottom worth striving not to be in.  And this is problematic for me because the world he is talking about is pretty entirely work-focused and really all about money.  But we made money up!  It is a metaphor and conduit for resources and power.  The world I would like to live in is more equal because I don’t like the idea of living in a world whose sole purpose is about amassing wealth.  That seems crazy to me, and icky.  I don’t have a great logical argument other than ick.  But that’s it.  Davidson does argue that part of the problem with inequality is that those with money (ie, power and resources) will use that money to influence society to help them maintain their status, money etc, and inevitably the system will reward those who initially obtain money, not those who actually work hard and take risks. Much better argument than mine.  But ICK!  Really, who wants to live in a world that is all about money??!!  No, thank you.

My dad’s girlfriend also posted a great post from a friend of hers who is an anthropologist. The post aims to explain how Evangelical Christians hold the political beliefs they do, while secular liberals are so flummoxed by  Evangelicals seemingly voting “against their own self-interest.”  I definitely agree with her main thesis, that Evangelicals see the world how they wish people would be, and that they see government programs “[step] in when people fall short.”    In my arguments with my Facebook friend, Peter, I have definitely seen this.  His arguments are based upon (it seems to me) legislating as if all Americans are the most ideal Christians, and that any law falling short of that is condoning a relatively evil way of living and being.  His arguments, as much as he tries to avoid it, are based upon his very Christian (Catholic, even) ideal world, and one where values held by Catholics are not just held but also attempted to be attained by all citizens in the US.  I know he is a caring and generous person one-on-one, and that his intention is not to hurt people, but I also believe the policies he supports do just that.

Anyway, a few articles worth their salt and time, courtesy of the New York Times.  What can I say–I’m a liberal New Yorker!!

Racism and Murder

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Today at work, I was meeting and brainstorming with a couple of coworkers. Both are women. Both are black. One is Jamaican–we’ll call her B, the other we’ll call A. We were talking about another coworker, and whether I’d described A as a “little black girl,” which I told them I didn’t need to, since he’d known who I was talking about. I added that white people didn’t like talking about race, though, and A started to joke about hoodies, iced tea and skittles, referencing the recent events of Trayvon Martin’s murder. While some people are busy worrying about hoodies, it is interesting to have this conversation with people who are not white. B and A both immediately had stories where they had experienced some sort of clearly out of touch comments by white people–one where someone at a meeting claimed that on a federal report, blacks were identified as “negroid,” to which she (and to their credit, the rest of the meeting), collectively said, “huh???!” The woman quickly corrected herself. The other coworker had a story about reviewing charts at a different organization and finding documentation with race listed as “other: colored.” She brought this to the attention of a white director, who was astonished and shocked, so both situations, other people were clearly as disturbed as A and B, but it’s just further proof that racism is alive and well.

I told them that that was the reason, too, though that white people are afraid to talk about race. We’re afraid to say something that offends someone, and that we won’t even know it offends them. But we have to. Trayvon Martin is another reason why we must discuss race, however uncomfortable it may be. We have to be willing to be called racist, and know that in certain ways, we probably are, but that that doesn’t mean something about our character or intentions. I have tried to be brave and to not shy away from race, as a topic of conversation, as a part of a description of someone, etc. I do notice when someone is black, white or Hispanic or Asian, or anything else. I’m always curious about people. And sometimes, I will offend people. But if I’m not willing to be corrected, how can I ever learn what individual people are offended by? I won’t say it doesn’t still make me nervous–I still have a visceral reaction, and sense that before I describe someone as black, I should mention something else about them, or maybe that I shouldn’t mention their skin color at all. But I’m a lot more comfortable talking about race with people who are not white because I’ve practiced, especially with people who already knew me, with whom I had established a relationship, and who knew already that I thought of and respected them as people.

I feel lucky to work with people of different backgrounds–who are not like me, and yet who are. And I am so proud that for the first time, when a horrific tragedy like the one that happened in Florida happens, we have a president who is able to say, “if I had a son, he would look like Trayvon.” This shit is hard, but we have to keep talking.

Lean into the fear

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90% of the time, I go to sleep thinking, “I am so fucking lucky.”. It’s not at all that my life is perfect. Far from it. But there are so many amazing things. I’m basically doing my dream job. And who knows how long it will continue to be that, but it allows me to pursue other interests as well, and I fucking love this city. It’s been a little over 3 years and 7 months, and I am still as head over heels as the day I met her. Again, not that there aren’t times when it’s annoying, when I’m frustrated by the lack of ability to grocery shop, or feel annoyed by all the friggin’ people. But overall, this place is magical. Seriously. And I have so. much. I can’t even complain because it’s all so amazing. I get to work with and influence people. I get to make a difference in people’s lives. I get to play with improv. I get to run. Part of me is scared shitless that I will lose it all somehow, instantly, and I fight that shit every day. But I am winning so far. I will not let that swallow me. I have discovered the best way for me to fight is to walk right into it. Improv and running have both been arenas where I’ve practiced this. Some days, I don’t want to do either. And some days I don’t. Others, I just do. And then it feels amazing. I don’t ever make myself. It is always a choice. I always end up choosing to go or do, but it’s recognition that that is a choice for the long term, and not giving into hedonistic, momentary tendencies. And I have learned (over time) to not judge the choice I make. Because sometimes it is amazing to just give in, and sometimes it’s totally okay.

New York City, I still love you!