Up to Speed

So, I’ve got to admit that the past couple of months have been a little tough for me emotionally. I don’t have a great answer as to why that is, but it is. I’ve just felt pretty unmotivated, down, blech, whatever. A funk, if you will. Maybe I’m just processing things. Whatever. But I certainly think somehow running is related, because I’ve been pretty crappy about running. Some because it’s been hot, and then more recently because I’ve just not felt like going. And suddenly, it’s October and I’m running a 10K on Saturday! So I was freaking out a little bit about that, but I just did 4 miles, and I’m pretty confident I could’ve done the full 6.1 or whatever. So I’m just pretty proud that even though I’m feeling crappy, I’m not letting that be permanent, I’m not getting caught up in the cycle, as it were, and I’m confident that I’ll get back out, or, rather, that I will find my way out. I’m not pushing, I’m just finding that path through the woods. And though I do hope that I’ll see the path more clearly each time I’m in these woods, I’m just relieved that I am at a point that I really trust that I can find it, by myself or with whatever help I need.

Time to listen to a book on tape while taking a bath and then go to sleep.

Lucky lucky girl I am, so lucky.

Continuing Improving

I’m randomly and somewhat reasonlessly blissing out this morning. Maybe running yesterday?

This weekend was perfect. Very full. I am so happy, it blows my mind. It’s not that I’m literally happy all the time, but there are so many cool things, relationships (of all kinds), activities and foods (?!) to explore. I really seriously feel like a child. Free. But also with some fun, contributory things I do. Like work. Which makes money and provides real freedom to do mostly what I want.

I know I’ll go through some lower times extremely soon. That just happens. But overall, I seriously couldn’t be happier with what I’ve made my life right now. And even just knowing that feels so friggin’ amazing. Again, this kind of moment I have worked so hard for. And am still working so hard for. Glad it’s still happening.

Things I am doing this month

I made no New Year’s resolutions, so instead, I am making some February resolutions.

  • organizing & taming my articles

I have TONS of articles on Instapaper and Google Reader that I still haven’t read.  It’s hard to keep up when I get like, 200 every friggin’ day.  But I try.  So I want to cut down to those I really want to read, and read the ones I really want.

  • organizing & taming my passwords

I’ve been using LastPass for quite some time now.  If you haven’t used anything to store your passwords, it is pretty spectacular–it securely saves your passwords, personal information, etc in a portable (but secure!!) way.  I have a bunch of repeat websites and want to put everything into folders, as well as change some passwords that have been around for waaaay too long.  Fun times.

  • continuing to run

Running has still been going pretty well, but I need to maintain. That’s all!

  • taking improv classes


  • getting more shit done

This mostly pertains to work.  I just want to be on top of shit.

  • complete and submit my taxes

Nothing more to say here…

  • Visit NC

Next weekend, I’m going to NC to see my family, and pick out bridesmaids dresses for my best friend’s, Rachel, wedding.  Yay (?)! Also get to see one of my cousins, who I have not seen in 22 years.  Talk about a lifetime…PLUS I’ll get to go to a Carolina basketball game.  Spectacular!

  • Tweet

I’m really trying, in earnest, to make this Twitter thing make sense.  I’ve even attached it to my Facebook account (then you know I mean business, right??).  Follow along if you wish….

So. Amazing.  <3!!  If you haven’t watched, you should.  It’s definitely a little deliberate and slow, but hilarious and charming and pleasant.  Brilliant!

  • Clean

The apartment must be cleaned.  I don’t even want to express how ridiculous it is that that has to be on this list.  Whatever.  I buy toilet paper regularly.  That should count for something, right??


I am super excited about this most treacherously cold of months.  I feel so lucky that I have so much to look forward to, and have figured out a way to look forward to it.  Life truly is amazing.

Mental Health on the Jersey Shore

One of my guilty pleasures is the Jersey Shore. I began watching the show in Season 1 out of curiosity, and quickly became hooked, in part because of Rich at Four Four’s amazing re-caps. Even if you have always thought the show was awful, you should check these out because they are seriously awesome and incredibly entertaining.

This year, thanks to my roommate Dina, I got sucked back in (had not watched Seasons 2-3, thank you very much) when the guidos found themselves in the lovely Venice, Italy. I didn’t watch all of Season 4, but I did tune into the last few episodes and got hooked back in. Ridiculous. It is all such lunacy!! I seriously cannot believe that these people are real. At least that is how I felt until I watched the latest episode, in which Vinny, one of the characters, leaves the show due to anxiety. His frank discussion of anxiety his struggle with anxiety and depression and then another clip including his roommates blatant misunderstanding of anxiety are fascinating to me. First of all, I was really impressed that Vinny is so open about what he’s going through, and it is heartening to see it brought up in the fake world of Jersey Shore. In my opinion, Vinny is way too intelligent for these people, and I can understand what he’d be going through after 3 years of this insanity. Gawker has a decent re-cap of the show if you don’t want to watch all of it. But I think there’s more to this episode than meets the extremely made-up eye. Sammi, in the aftershow video, says she thinks Vinny left because he saw his mom and it made him sad. Which is why seeing what Vinny says is so important. Vinny explains that no one in the house understands (I totally agree), and that they just want him to be happy and keep trying to make him happy, but that he needs to leave to get better. Because he needs permission to go through a tough time, to not be the person who is easy and not a problem. I can’t even begin to explain how much I identify with what Vinny’s going through–it was eery watching and realizing that I have been there, emotionally, exactly. Especially because any feeling I had for this show was horror and shock that these are real people. So I’m even more surprised that this person is not only real, but just like me (maybe not just like, but stil. relatable). I wish he could be around other people who’ve experienced depression and anxiety–he says he’s alone and no one understands, but that isn’t entirely true. Other people do understand, they just sure as hell aren’t at the Jersey Shore (Vinny himself notes that the Jersey Shore is not the place you want to be when you’re going through a high-anxiety time in your life). In any event, I really am proud of MTV for their portrayal of mental health. There is dignity and respect there, and I’m impressed by that. For all the shit they get about being a horrible continuance of disgusting pop culture, I actually think they do a relatively good job of being open, honest and non-biased. Though I’m sure some people would consider that to be liberal.