Today was the first day that I have truly felt sad about the work that I do. We had a patient test positive who is 18, just graduating from high school and going to college, and who (from she reports) contracted it from the first person she was ever with.

For some reason, because of all that, I was just totally pained to hear that she was positive. I was hoping it was a false positive. We have found about 13 positives since I’ve been in my position, and the others were kind of whatever. A lot of them weren’t unknown (they already knew they were positive), all of them were older. But she’s 18. And she’s only been with 2 people. I guess it just slammed in my face that it is NOT about how many people you’re with; it’s about whether or not you sleep with someone without a condom who is positive. You could be with 100 people and never contract it. Or one and you would. I just think it’s so important for people to remember that, to get over the stigma of it that makes people not get tested, think they’re not at risk.

I think it also sucks that HIV hits people who are already down in our society–people of color, men who have sex with men, poor people. So many of my patients had problems that were so much worse than HIV–that truly was the least of their problems. That’s just it, though. When HIV is the least of your problems, you shouldn’t have to deal with it. I guess it just highlights the inequalities in our society and the shit other people go through. Anyway. I don’t have anything further to say right now. Just that it sucks. And that if 80% of new diagnoses of HIV weren’t in black and hispanic people, you bet you ass there’d be more money for research into preventative measures. That’s what I think, anyway.