I have been thinking a lot about this whole idea of poly relationships and this just takes the cake for me. Let me be clear–I am not sure personally what I feel about this. But I certainly thing it is interesting to think about, especially considering a very interesting Modern Love article from the NYTimes a bit ago. I was blown away by this intellectual and measured reaction to a woman’s husband saying he didn’t want to be with her any longer and that he didn’t love her anymore. Her reaction (in short) is that she doesn’t believe him and she tells him he has his shit to deal with, she expects him to deal with it and that’s that. I read this and think, “who says women are emotional??” But really, I think this is more how women are naturally, that is, without social conditioning to be concerned about other constantly. So, looking at this in combination with what these women say about nonmonogomous relationships being about being your autonomous self, I see a very strong connection. I think people do often get very wrapped up in their own idea of how connected they should be in their relationship and fail to recognize their own part in their individual growth. Your growth as a person does not stop simply because you are in a relationship…! But I think a lot of people sort of give up, or start to believe that their relationship to some degree takes the place of the necesisity of their own personal growth. Anyway, I just think this is fascinating, connecting feminism, not owning/posessing other people, letting partner(s) have their own autonomy and giving them space to deal with their issues within the relationship…and then you add children in and assuming you are in a stable situation with a relationship or several relationships, I think that could actually be a fairly healthy way to grow up. Obviously bizarre for the “norm,” but a village raising a child, and true free love. And I think the Modern Love article is an excellent example of the advantages of nonmonogomous relationships being taken into a monogomous relationship, showing that it is not, in fact, about mongomy versus nonmonogomy, but actually about communication and preserving your individual integrity.
Readings (in Jezebel form):
Is Nonmonogomy A Feminist Relationship Choice? [Jezebel]
Nonmonogomy and Feminism: A Happy Couple [Feministe]
Another Perspective in Nonmonogamy [Feministe]
Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear [NY Times]