Just a brief followup on my previous post about women’s judgement on other women’s marriage decisions. Jezebel posted a piece today that perfectly summarizes my point, much more eloquently than I could. Basically Moore says that it’s all relative. I particularly like her explanation that
One: All kinds of relationships, with lovers and friends, with pets you care for, with yourself, in all varieties, can offer something toward our growth and/or stunting as people. Two: marriage, in and of itself, isn’t stable. Or intimate. Nor does it offer companionship. It’s a legal/religious agreement. The people inside of it can foster and nurture those things. Or not. A lot of ’em do. A lot of ’em don’t. That’s what the whole divorce rate is about.
I don’t see why people attribute what’s good about marriage to marriage as a concept, as opposed to the people in it and the work they are doing. Marriage is just a framework. Everything about the way it goes comes down to the two people in it and how they face the challenges that befall them.
(Emphasis mine) This is the same argument, essentially, that I’ve made actually about social media–that social media (Facebook, Twitter, G+, Instagram, etc), are tools, but not, themselves, content, and you really need both. Content without tools means there’s no distribution, so to speak, and tools without content (a much more common way to interpret things) is empty and pointless — you’re essentially trying to eat with just a fork and plate. You need food though.
Moore asks, “Isn’t it weird to assume women don’t understand the risk of marriage, or not marrying, just as we understand the risk of marrying young, or old?” I agree, and would go one step further and point out that this comes back to the idea of choice, and understanding choices. I am pro choice, because I believe that people, women included, because you know, women are people, know best about their own (our own?) circumstances. They know when it is right for them to get married. They know when it is right for them to have a child. And people are better off when they are free to make that decision that they know if right for them. So I’ll also provide you with an incredible (seriously) argument about what women deserve by Sonya Renee, via RH Reality Check’s tumblr. It made me cry. But only because I already believe that women are people, people who are smart and resilient and know what they need, and I believe we should respect that as a society. I also believe that the only way to do that is through trusting women to make their own choices about their lives and their bodies.